Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
