I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
