Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
