just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
