okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
