mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Green mimosas i think yes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
