ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
