I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
