rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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