i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
