he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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