you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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