just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
