i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
