you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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