Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
