I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just threw up on my dentist
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
