This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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