Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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