Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
