i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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