Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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