She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
