Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
