When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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