Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
