Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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