I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize