How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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