Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
