I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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