Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
