I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
