i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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