Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
