Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I could fuck to npr.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
