i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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