OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
