And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
