My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
