Joe is yelling at the trees again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
