Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
