Someone shit on the floor
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
