well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize