Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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