Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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