Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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