It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
