So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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