Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
