woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
