If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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