help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
