i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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