hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
