He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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