i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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