The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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