piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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