His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
