Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
