He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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