u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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