are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
