Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
honey bunches of taint.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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