as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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