I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
