Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's the barista slut.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
