I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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