She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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