this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
