so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
