i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
