found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
