Your tits are I can't wait for
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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